Better off
by Ambercatlucky2
Summary: The golden child, the saviour of tokyo, that's what they called me, in reality, i was jsut some lucky girl. But now, i'm getting illigally wasted, and my life's a mess, everyone knows, but no one will admit it... would it just be better to not be here?


**Ichigo**

I started hating myself quickly after the little escapades of the mews ended, I realized; I am a freak. No one will say it though. No to them I am 'the super hero' the golden girl. I knew why Masaya had decided to go to England to 'study abroad' even though we had only been thirteen. He wanted an escape from it. From me.

It took me a long tome to accept it though. By then I was fifteen. I had long since stopped working at café mew, sure I technically still worked there, and when Ryou was feeling nice I would occasionally get a 'pension' paycheque, I usually spent it on alcohol if I could get past my parents who seemed to suddenly take an interest in me and my life. I haven't seen any of those damn aliens, particularly that one who wouldn't shut up about loving me before… asshole.

I think I scared quite a few people, but again I heard nothing from them. Didn't they even care? Maybe if I'd just drop off this planet, I'd be doing some favors, I mean all I ever do is take up my parent's house and stuff, and illegally get wasted. I was sixteen; this was my golden special year. Whoopee. I couldn't have cared less. I only went along with it, smiled with them and cheerfully acted about for their sake.

I still kept that damned mew pendent though. I just could never find enough strength to toss it. No I had enjoyed the time where I had believed everything was about me, where I had thought that I was so very important and that I was loved by all. I soon learnt duplicity, manipulation, all their lies and all their BS, but I smiled at them, let them think that I didn't know. Like how I'd dealt with finding out that Santa wasn't real when I was four, I would always just pretend for my parents sake, but soon I had realized that I didn't really care. They found out that I knew, they were disappointed, I could tell. But I never heard a word about it.

And you know what? I didn't give a fuck.

I worry my teachers, I actually worry everyone, I've gotten pretty bad now, I don't hide my drinking, and I smoke now too, I've even lifted a few things from some shops. Not that I cared about getting the stuff, it was probably just to see if I could do it that I did.

I really truly despised myself, I wish that I could be somebody better someone who could care, who could love who could… just be everything I'm not.

So when that ass Kish came back, when he saw the state I was in and didn't seem to care, I was so damn happy that I slept with him, yeah might as well bring some happiness to others.

The only downside to that was finding out I was pregnant.

"Aww shit" I said looking at the little plastic stick like thing that can sense babies or something. I went to destroy it, but I couldn't, I had to look at it at least once more. And even though I knew I was just gonna be burying myself deeper, I looked at it. _POSITIVE._

I thought about telling him, but decided against it. I thought about telling the others, but… I brought them too much pain already. So I picked up all the stuff I really wanted from my room, and carefully snuck out the window without a sound –a thing that I can easily do, but am ashamed of- hitting the grass below I bolted, something cold was around my neck I tore it off and only hesitated for two seconds before throwing it to the wind.

"Sorry guys, but I can't let you get me this time"

I agreed to myself and to my unborn that I would disappear until he or she was born, after all it was unfair to take the life of an innocent.

Eventually the thing came out of my body. It turned out to be a young girl with red hair and golden eyes, I smiled, I wanted to protect this child, but I knew the only way for me to ever give her a chance of protection, of normalcy was to get out of her life as fast I could.

I bundled her up in a warm pink blanket I had swiped from the corner store, and placed her in a basket I had found half broken near the trash. Then using the only money I had I finished prepping her. Then I placed her down slowly and with a loving kiss on my child's forehead I left.

**Kish**

I couldn't say that I was happy about Ichigo's new mood, but I couldn't say that I was entirely unhappy with it. I could still feel her warmth in my heart. I had finally scored her, but it was never anything like how I had imagined.

…and then she disappeared. I looked all over for her, but I could never find her, the first thing I worried about was whether or not she would be able to get food or be able to survive. But according to the other mews, she was a great thief, even though they all knew she did it, no one else did. So my worry for that ended there, but then I worried about why she ran off. And why she didn't leave a word behind.

Eventually I found _her_ she saw loosely wrapped in a pink cloth in a ragged basket a pink ribbon was around her tiny neck, there was a card attached with the name KISH written on it in bold black letters. I took the letter off. I read it. I looked down at the little half-human being she had left behind for me. Silently I cursed her, I hated her in death more than I had ever hated her during her life. Because she left with no trace, no connection to the world, it was like she hadn't even existed… except for one thing, one precious baby girl. Something I didn't think she'd ever try to get rid of. I cried anyways. I cried long and hard.

For days after I hated her for leaving like this, the other mews were not very shocked by the arrival of the police and their announcement, but they were all a little shaken. Eventually I stopped hating her and I questioned myself. _Did she really think we would all be better off without her… do I think I might be better off without her? _I could only let the tears that washed away my loving memories of her tell.

**If you're all wondering why someone like me who is usually hopeful, funny and romantic in her stories is writing something she feels is sad and slightly morbid. Well I just finished reading a suicide novel called 'the darkness between the stars'. And I had the urge to write a suicide one-shot… sorry if it's not that great… but please R&R (read you already did that though, and Review) please do it helps authors everywhere, and I really respect and appreciate people who review. Friendly actually helpful criticism is loved, but not put downs or really cruel flames. I have totally forgotten about writing this until now, so right now when I'm posting this, I'm actually still feeling pretty 'the whole world doesn't really need me' kind of feeling, I'm depressed… stupid period…**


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